Desperately Wanting
by Kei-chan1
Summary: [chapter 2 has arrived!] A Genrou/Kouji fic... Genrou is a normal 21 year old GIRL with a rough past. Kouji was her best friend... but left her... now he's back. Now what?
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer:  Uhhhh… nope…. Not mine… I also don't own the really cool Candlebox songs "Far Behind" and "You."

Author's Notes:  Okay, don't hurt me!  Yes, if you've read the summary, you read that Genrou is, indeed, a girl.  This fic will eventually be a Genrou/Kouji fic… if they ever stop hating each other ^__^  It's strange, I know… but, give it a chance?  Onegai??  **puppy eyes**

Warnings:  tasuki language galor!  And a little shounan ai between Ryuuen and Saihitei.

Desperately Wanting 

By:  Kei-chan

Chapter One:  A test of sanity

She sat on a green couch in the living room of her apartment.  Her face was contorted into the most hellish of scowls, her amber eyes gleamed with a fiery anger… as fiery as the color of her bright red hair.  She had her arms crossed over her chest, further illustrating the rage she felt.

"Fuck."  She didn't yell it, for she didn't have to.  The way it lanced off her tongue in a seething whisper was enough that yelling it wasn't necessary.

"Oh, get over it, Gen-chan!"

She leapt off the chair, yellow eyes dancing with flames.  "Get over it?  You just told me that the person I hate more than anything on this earth is coming back tomorrow, and I'm just supposed to fuckin' get over it like it's a fuckin' fact of life?  Fuck that!  I actually loved him before he fuckin' betrayed me!"

Ryuuen smiled, his violet eyes sparkling.  "Hey... if it makes you feel better… I wanted to be the girl."

Genrou stared at her best friend.  "Sometimes, I really fuckin' hate you, Ryuuen."

The violet-haired twenty-one year old stood, patted Genrou on the shoulder.  "I'd love to stay and chat... but I'm meeting Sai for dinner."

"What?  You're leaving me here after telling me the worst fuckin' news of my life?  What kind of friend are you?"

Ryuuen gave Genrou a look.  "You'll be fine.  Besides, think of it as good news.  I know how you love revenge."

Genrou sank back down onto the couch, mumbled something incoherent.  She looked back up to plead with Ryuuen, but he was already at the door, jacket in hand.

"Ja, Gen-chan!"

And then she was alone.  "Dammit!" she cursed.  "I gotta get outta here."  Jumping off the couch, she grabbed her apartment keys off the table and slammed out the door.

Once outside, she berrated herself for not picking up a sweatshirt.  It had rained most of the day, and it didn't feel much like May.  The cool air chilled her, and she wrapped her arms around herself.

She walked quickly, allowing her feet to guide her.  She knew where she was going, but too many thoughts were running through her head for her to fully comprehend it.

_Okay, so, Kouji is coming home,_ she thought as she walked.  _Kouji...the guy I haven't seen for three years... the guy who left me with nothing..._  She paused, looked up at the entirely black sky, remembered the rage.  "Bastard!"

Genrou kept walking, shivering in the cold.  She turned a corner, was surprised to find that she had reached her destination so quickly.  Looking around, a calm feeling passed over her.  She was standing in a small park.  A fountain sat in the middle, a marble statue of a phoenix setting down in the center of it.  Genrou walked over to it, sat on the edge.

The park, though unused for many years, was still Genrou's favorite place, had been since she was fifteen.  It was too small to accommodate the neighborhood, so the city had commissioned another spot be turned into a better park.  Because of that, no one came to the little park anymore... no one, that is, except Genrou.

She shivered again.  "Smart girl, forget your fuckin' jacket, why dontcha?" she asked aloud.  Now that she was in her place, she could think.

_So, Gen-chan,_ she thought sarcastically.  _Whatcha gonna do now?  You can't avoid him forever..._  "But I can try," she whispered.

She was so wrapped up her inner conversation she didn't notice the figure walking up behind her until it spoke.

"Genrou?  Is that you?"

Genrou couldn't breathe.  _But, Ryuuen said he wasn't coming home until tomorrow!_  She forced the air in and out of her lungs, then stood, turned to greet him.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

The two stared at each other for a long moment.  The man standing opposite Genrou wore blue jeans, black boots, a sweater, and a black leather jacket.  His dusty blue hair was cut short, and his blue eyes were wide in surprise.  He stared at Genrou, taking in her bootcut jeans, platform boots, and black tank top with "Rock star" written across the front in glitter.  She looked good, better than she had when he had last seen her.

The malice in Genrou's voice shocked him, and he took an uneasy step backward.  "Hey, it's a public place."

"That's not what I mean, Kouji," she said.

He sighed.  "It's uh... been a while."

_A while?  You asshole!_  Genrou smiled sardonically.  "Not fuckin' long enough."

"What the fuck's your problem?" he asked.

Genrou felt her temper burst.  "MY problem?  What's MY problem?  Fuck you, Kouji!"

He sat down on the edge of the fountain.  "Still mad at me, huh?"

She forgot the cold, didn't notice the rain that had begun to fall.  "No, I'm not mad you, Kouji.  See, over the years, the anger just turned to blind hatred.  Now if you'll fuckin' excuse me, I have somewhere to be."  Genrou turned her back on Kouji, began walking away.  She was stopped when Kouji grabbed her arm and yanked her backwards.

"Take your fuckin' hand off me," she growled.

"No.  Not until you let me explain."  He was confused.  He hadn't thought she would greet him like this, with so much hate, so much hurt.

"Explain fuckin' what?  Why you set me up to take the fall for you?  Why you got me shot and damn near killed just trying to escape a measely six month jail sentence?  _I_ went to jail, Kouji!  _I_ took the fall for you!  And what did you do?  You fuckin' left!  You picked up and you fuckin' disappeared.  You ran like the coward you are."

"That's not fair, Gen-kun."  But Kouji let his arm drop, stood rigidly in the pouring rain, head bowed.

"Don't fuckin' call me Gen-kun anymore, either.  Only people I trust call me that."  She turned and ran away from him, knowing that if she stayed any longer, she'd have hit him.

Kouji was left staring at her retreating back, felt self-loathing work it's ugly into his mind.  _Fuckin' idiot,_ his mind said.  _You really thought you'd come back and she'd just throw herself into your arms and all would be well?_  He walked out of the park, vowed that in time, he would talk to her.  He blew it, he knew, but there was always the hope that one day, she would forgive him.

_Then again, no one holds a grudge like Genrou,_ he thought sadly.

-------------------

"He found you at the park last night?"

Genrou was sitting at the table, eating breakfast with Ryuuen and Saihitei.  She had told them the entire ordeal with Kouji the night before, and now felt exhausted just talking about it.

"I don't mean to bring up painful memories," Saihitei said.  "But, what exactly did you set up for?"

Genrou sighed.  "Kouji was running a theft ring.  He and a few of his friends were robbing jewelry stores.  He was my best friend, and a few years ago, he asked me to go on job with them.  I did, thinking it'd be pretty fuckin' cool to break the law, ya know?"

Saihitei nodded, a sorrowful look on his face.

"So, we break into this one place," Genrou continued.  "Only, nobody knew that this place had a fuckin' silent alarm.  Next thing I know, they're bailin' and I'm left standing in the middle of the place, my hands full of jewelry.  The cops shot me, and Kouji and his pals got away."

Saihitei gasped.  "He actually did that to you?  That's awful!"

She nodded.  "Spent two months in the hospital, and six in jail."  She looked down at her cereal, dropped the spoon.  "I don't have much of an appetite this morning.  I'll see you guys later."

Ryuuen jumped up.  "Are you sure, Gen-chan?"

"Yeah… I just wanna be alone right now."  She grabbed her keys and her jacket and left the apartment.

Ryuuen sank down into his chair, sighed.  "Sai, I'm really worried about her."

Saihitei covered his boyfriend's hand in his own.  "She's a tough girl, and she's Tasuki.  She'll be okay."

"I hope you're right."  Ryuuen fell into Saihitei's arms.

_So do I…_ he thought, wrapping his arms around Ryuuen's back.

------------

Genrou jumped in her car, started the engine.  _I need to talk to someone about this…_ she thought.  Miaka was too… distracted most of the time, Myojuan had was busy with med school, so that left… "Houjun!" she yelled aloud.

She put the car in drive and sped down the road, eager to see the friend who seemed to know the answer to everything.

As she drove, she put the first cd she could find into her cd player.  As the first line of the song blasted over her speakers, she groaned loudly.  "Of course, it would be this song."

"Now maybe I didn't mean to treat you bad   
But I did it anyway   
And not maybe   
Some would say your life was sad   
But you lived it anyway"

She sang along as she always did, growing angrier by the minute until the song was over and another came on.  This song made her feel better as she screamed the words, even allowing a few tears to streak down her face.

Feel in my heart it's for you   
And I'll lie for you as I die for you   
Pain in my heart it is real   
And I'll tell you now   
How I feel inside   
Fuck you   
It's for you

Genrou was feeling emotionally drained when she reached Houjun's place, and she could only hope her wise friend was home.

She walked up to the door, knocked.

"Come in, Genrou, no da!"

Shaking her head, she opened the door and walked in.  "How do you _do_ that?" she asked.

Houjun, who was sitting on the floor in a meditative stance grinned, his eyes closed.  "You know me better than that, no da."

Genrou sat down across from him.  "I uh, need to talk to you," she said quietly.

Houjun opened his eyes, fixed them on her.  "It's Kouji, isn't it, no da?"

Genrou nodded.  "He's back.  I saw him last night at the park."

"Na no daaa…"

"Yeah.. tell me about it."

"What did he say to you, no da?"  Houjun relaxed his legs, brought them up to sling his arms over them.

"He said 'it's been a while.'  It's been a while.. what the fuck Houjun?  He talks like we're the best of fuckin' friends."  Genrou was fuming, but she controlled her anger in front of Houjun.

Houjun's voice dropped an octave, something that always happened when he was serious.  "Gen-kun, you were, at one point, the best of friends.  I'm not saying that you should forgive him no da.  He did mess up your entire life, but, just maybe, he messed his own up worse no da."

Genrou narrowed her eyes at Houjun.  "Whaddya mean?"

The wise man grinned.  "I think it best you ask Kouji, no da."

"I don't want to talk to him, Houjun.  Everytime I even think about him, I fuckin' go nuts."

Houjun reached over and patted her shoulder.  "I think you do want to talk to him, but you were hurt, so you aren't letting yourself na no da.  Gen-kun, I know better than anyone the importance of being able to forgive someone no da.  Don't make this mistake I did, or it may be too late no da."

_That's right,_ Genrou remembered.  _Hikou…_  She smiled at Houjun, hugged her friend.  "You always know what to say.  Arrigato, Houjun!"

"Anytime na no da!"

--------------

Kouji paced the floor of his living room.  He hadn't slept at all the night before, and felt like he had been hit by a bus.  _All I wanna do is tell her what I went through because of a stupi-ass mistake…_ he thought.  The doorbell rang, made him jump.

_No one knows I'm back._  He cast a glance to the mirror on the wall, gasped at his reflection.  He had purple bags under his eyes, and his face was pale and drawn.  The doorbell rang again, making him jump.  "I – I'm coming!" he called.

He walked to the door, pulled it open.  The other side of the door beheld a flame-haired girl, looking incredibly nervous.

"Hi," she said quickly.

"Hey."  His voice was quiet.  "Um, come on in."  He stepped aside, and closed the door after Genrou had walked through.  "What, uh, are you doing here?"

She turned and stared at him incredulously.  "What the fuck do you think I'm doing here?"

Kouji shrugged.  "You wanna beat the hell out of me?"

Genrou crossed her arms over her chest.  "It's tempting, but no."

The blue-haired man sat down on the couch.  "Listen, Genrou.. I—"

"No," she held up a hand.  "I want you to listen for a minute."

He nodded in silence.  Genrou sat on a chair across from him, rested her elbows on her knees.  "You left me, Kouji.  You left me bleeding from a gunshot wound to my side.  I was in the hospital for two months, and then I was sent to prison for six.  You completely disappeared, without a fuckin' trace.  Now, three years later, you come waltzing back into town like fuckin' Billy the Kid, and expect me to, what?  Just forgive and forget?"

Kouji stared at her a moment.  He felt like crying, knowing all he had put her through.  "I wanted to come back sooner…"

"Then why didn't you?"

"Because…" he paused.  "Okay, here goes.  I'll admit it.  I belong in the asshole's hall of fame for what I did to you.  I know that.  But, after I ran, I ended up getting arrested anyway.  I just got out of prison two weeks ago, Gen-ku… Genrou, and I didn't have anywhere to go, so I came home.  I was in a maximum security prison for three years!"

Genrou's mouth was dry.  She choked on her words.  "I-is that how you got that scar?"

Kouji ran a hand down the side of his face, following the length of a scar.  "Yeah… I was in a fight, the guy pulled a knife."

She sighed heavily, then stood, lifted her shirt up a little.  On her right side, a white scar the size of a silver dollar protruded out.  "I guess we both have our battle wounds."

Kouji jumped up.  "Great Suzaku… I wanted to come back so bad.  I didn't want to run to begin with.  Genrou.. I seriously thought you were right behind us!  When I saw that you weren't, I tried to go back, but the guys wouldn't let me.  They fuckin' dragged me away, said it was too late."

"We both have our regrets, Kouji."  Genrou started toward the door.  "I've moved on from mine… maybe you should do the same."  She left, slammed the door behind her, leaving Kouji staring after her.

TBC… Hope you like it!  I really like this fic… and I want to continue.. but I desperately need feedback from you, the readers!  


	2. No #$^$&& chick flicks!

Disclaimer:  Fushigi Yuugi mine is not.  **wise nod**

Author's Note:  Wow… you guys are awesome!  I didn't really expect to get many reviews for this, since I went and made Tasuki a girl… so I was pleasantly surprised!  Arrigatou!  ^____^

Desperately Wanting 

**Chapter 2:  No #$^$&& chick flicks!**

"Gen-chaaaan!"

Ryuuen was home.  He worked full time at an expensive hair salon, which was the only reason he could afford the apartment.  Genrou was lying on her stomach on her bed, and ignored him until he slammed into the room.

"What are doing lying there?" he asked, walking over to bounce on the bed.

"I went to see Kouji today," she replied.

"Oh," Ryuuen said quietly.  "What happened?"

Genrou turned over, looked at Ryuuen thoughtfully.  "I'm not sure.  It turns out that he ended up doing 3 years hard time, and that's why he never came back 'til now.  He also told me that he tried to come back for me, but his so-called friends wouldn't let him."

"And?"

She jumped off the bed, let out an exasperated sigh.  "And I don't fuckin' know!  It was so easy to hate him when he wasn't here and I didn't know the full story.  But now… I just don't know."

Ryuuen clapped her on the back.  "Well, you best cheer up, everyone's coming over in about an hour to have a movie night."

"Everyone?"

"Yeah.  Miaka and Taka and Doukun are on their way in, Houjun, Sai, and Myojuan will be here shortly."

"Miaka, Taka, and Doukun are driving in for a movie?  They live 3 hours away!"

The purpled-haired man smiled.  "Well… they're staying for the weekend.  Doukun was allowed to come because it's not a school night."

Genrou rolled her eyes.  "That poor kid is never gonna have a normal life with parents like those."  She followed Ryuuen out into the living room.

"Ne, Gen-chan."

"Yeah?"

Ryuuen opened up a cupboard, looked over his shoulder at Genrou.  "You wanna go to the store and get some junk food?"

"Yeah, sure.  Be right back."

--------------

Genrou strolled through the aisles, grabbing bags of chips, soda, popcorn, any junk food she could find.  She rounded a corner to pick up cheezits and connected with something solid.

"Sorry," she mumbled.  She looked up to see who she had run into, and gasped.

"Hey," he said softly.

Genrou took a step back.  "What are you doing here?"

Kouji gazed down at her, his green eyes full of sorrow.  "Just getting' some food for the house," he replied.

She looked away.  "Don't fuckin' looking at me like that."

"Like what?" he asked.

"Like you just fuckin' ran over my dog and you're about to apologize!" she yelled in response.

"Sorry."  Kouji brushed past her, shuffled down toward the checkout.

_God damn it!  I was doing fine… until I saw him!_  She turned and ran after him.  "Hey, Kouji!"

He paused, turned back to her.  Genrou skidded to a halt when she saw the tears running down his face.  _Oh my God…_ she thought, bringing a hand to her mouth.  _I caused that, didn't I?  I made him cry…_  Kouji turned back to pay the cashier, and walked slowly out of the store, leaving Genrou to simply stare after him.

She took a long a time getting back to the apartment.

About half an hour later, the rest of Genrou's and Ryuuen's friends showed up, and the apartment was happy and lively.  Genrou was standing in the middle of the living room when they arrived, and promptly found herself on her back as Miaka tackled her.  "Tasuki!" she cried.

"Oi, Miaka!" she laughed, squeezing the girl around the back.  "Can ya let me up, now?"

Miaka stood, offered her hand to Genrou, who pulled herself up.  Doukun ran up to Genrou, threw his small arms around his waist.  "Tasuki-san!  I missed you!"

She laughed again, ruffled the young boy's hair.  "Missed ya too, kid."

"So," Saihitei said, with his arm around Ryuuen's waist.  "What are we watching?"

"Miaka has the movies," Taka announced.

Miaka held up a bag.  "We have Legends of the Fall, Legally Blonde, Pretty Woman…"

"What the fuck?"  Genrou snatched the bag from Miaka.  "Chick flicks?  You brought CHICK FLICKS?!"

Ryuuen walked over and smacked Genrou upside the head.  "There is nothing wrong with chick flicks!"

Genrou stood up, rubbing her head.  "Yes, there is… I ain't watchin' no chick flicks."

"Ano… Tasuki-san…"

She looked down at Doukun.  "What?"

"That's a double negative.  Basically, what you said was that you _were_ watching chick flicks."

_That kid is too damned smart for his own good._  She threw her arms up.  "Argh!"

----------------

They ended up watching Legally Blonde.  Despite the fact that Genrou hated movies such as that with a fiery passion, she suffered through it, and even managed a laugh or two.  She was in good spirits, until the phone rang.

"Hello?"  Ryuuen answered the phone.  He stared at Genrou for a minute.  "Yeah.. she's here.. hang on a sec."  He put his hand over the speaking end of the receiver.  "Ne, Genrou… phone's for you."

She got up off the couch where she had been sandwiched between Miaka and Houjun and looked at Ryuuen questioningly.  "Who is it?"

Ryuuen looked as though he would say something, but just held the receiver out.

Genrou took it.  "Yeah?"

_"Genrou… I know you don't really want to talk to me… but can you please meet me in the park?  It's important."_

It was Kouji… and he sounded weird.

"Kouji… you all right?" she asked.

There was a moment of silence on the other end.  _"Please… just meet me."_  Then there was a click.

Genrou stared at the phone before placing it on the counter.  A feeling of dread settled in her stomach, a feeling that she didn't like.  A warm hand on her shoulder made her jump.

"Gen-kun, daijobu ka, no da?"

She turned to Houjun.  "I dunno.  It was Kouji.  He wants me to meet him at the park.  He sounded weird."

Houjun's chocolate colored eyes narrowed.  "Weird how, no da?"

"He sounded almost, scared."  Genrou felt an unbidden frown tugging her lips down.  Something was definitely not right.  "I'm going, Houjun.  I don't know how I know… but he needs me."

Houjun stared at he for a moment, then nodded.  "Always trust your instincts, Gen-kun, no da."

She hastened out the door, a fear of some unknown force driving her to run to the park.  When she got there, Kouji was pacing around the fountain, his hands clasped tightly behind his back.

"Kouji, what's wrong?" she asked, through gasps of breath.

He turned when he heard her coming, and now looked at her, fear apparent on his face.  "I'm in trouble, Genrou."

"Trouble how?  What the fuck is going on?"

He sat down heavily on the edge of the fountain.  "When I was in jail, I sort of make a few enemies.  The worse one just got released, and he's coming after me."

Genrou shook her head.  All this was happening too fast.  "Wait a minute, what are you talking about?"

"Prison is no cake-walk, you know that," he replied.  "When I was thrown in, I was pretty pissed, so I just picked fights with everyone.  Those damned people hold worse grudges than you, Genrou.  One of the guys… the one who gave me this scar, in fact… just got released.  I stabbed him in the eye with a fork at supper because he said something nasty about you."

Genrou looked at him, her mouth hanging open.  "You stabbed some guy in the fuckin' eye because he said something about ME?"  She walked up to him, punched him in the arm.  "Were you fuckin' born yesterday?  What the fuck are you doing stabbing someone in the _eye_ because of a lame-ass remark about _me_?"

Kouji chuckled.  "Genrou… you get mad over all the wrong things.  The point is that this guy and his goons are now after me.  I don't want you involved, so I—"

"BAKAYAROU!" Genrou yelled.  "I was involved the second you called me.  So, what's the plan?"

The blue-haired man shook his head.  "No… I just wanted to let you know that I wasn't leaving because of you… but I have to run or this guy'll kill me."

_Leave, again?_ the thought struck Genrou like a slap to the face.  _He can't leave again!_  Suddenly, all the anger and hate that she had felt toward Kouji melted away.  If he left her again, she'd be lost, she knew it.  Before she even realized what was happening, she had thrown herself into his arms, buried her face in his chest, and gripped him tightly.

Kouji was thrown off guard as Genrou launched herself at him.  _Does this mean that she doesn't hate me?_ he asked himself.  Her presence filled him, and he wrapped his arms around her, breathed in the peach scented shampoo, her woodsy-smelling perfume, and the scent that was uniquely Genrou.  It was spicy, peppery, and completely intoxicating.

_Fall…_ Genrou thought.  _He smells like fall… leaves, rain, all of it._  She couldn't let him go… not after all that had happened in the span of twenty-four hours.

"Hey…" Kouji whispered.  He reached up to stroke the flame-red hair he loved so much.  Genrou lifted her head, looked at him.  "Does this mean you're coming with me?"

She appeared thoughtful for a moment, then flashed him her signature fanged grin.  "Fuck yeah!  Let's kick some ex-convict ass!"

He grinned back.  Suzaku, he had missed her smile, and her hair, and her temper… but also her compassion, and her devotion to her friends… and just everything about her.

Except maybe her temper…


End file.
